Day 65: Mired

In Which Our Hero Goes to a Party

Project Title: The Mistress of Frosthaven
Genre: YA – Dark Fantasy
Words Today: 1,214
Running Total: 36,132
Scrap Draft: (V1.0 = 31,142), V2.0 = 8,368

Pre-writing notes: In a bit of a funk tonight. Have gotten really excited about some post-graduate schooling I’d love to pursue, only to run up against the inevitable, “And when are you going to manage that? Huh? How will you juggle the kid (or even kids plural) and pursue anything that takes that much time out of your day?” I know there must, must, must be ways to do it, but I just can’t see them right now. It just seems like there are these massive brick walls behind everything that looks like a door. And it’s so frustrating, and I’m so sick of being frustrated at every turn. At times, life can feel like all it’s saying is “Wait, just wait, keep waiting,” and I’m so, so, so tired of waiting, too. And in so many ways, it’s nobody’s fault, and the cruel little voice within me likes to say wretched things like, “Other people do it all the time. They’re more dedicated. They’re smarter. More talented. You’re just afraid, which is why you don’t try. You’re just lazy. If you worked harder, it could happen, but you don’t, so it won’t.” But that’s not entirely true, either, I know it’s not, because I bust my tail every day and am doing all that I can manage right now. But still, but still…

Well, tonight was…not great. I really need to spend some time thinking about what the purpose of this scene needs to be. There are characters to introduce (though not as many as I tried to introduce in one go), and motives to uncover, and details to clarify, but I need a much more concrete game plan in place before I sit down tomorrow, because tonight was…wallowing. Just kind of flailing around in the muck trying to grasp onto something that would give me some direction. Ah well. I guess not every night can be good. I’ll probably end up scrapping this tomorrow and starting over, but that’s the name of the game, right?

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