Journal

Between Thoughts and Words

I don’t really want to talk about this. At least not directly. I just… I need to express this feeling somewhere or else I’m not going to be able to focus all day. And I need to. I have to study.

It’s just not fair. He’s only 48.

What the hell. I want to punch something, scream at something, but I don’t want to take it out on anyone else. This isn’t their fault.  It’s no one’s fault. It just… is. Sometimes I really wish I could see what the big scope is, because maybe it would then be clear to me why this might have to happen. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even allowed to feel like this. I’m not… I don’t know. I wouldn’t even know how to describe our relationship. I helped him build his office chair. I really enjoyed that.

There’s a hole in my chest. It’s cold. Sometimes I can almost feel the breeze blow through it.

1 thought on “Between Thoughts and Words”

  1. I am so sorry. I don’t want to say that I understand because I know that I don’t, but I too have been in a situation where someone I love died much, much to young. And it leaves you with an empty feeling inside… kind of like, “why couldn’t it have been me” or “why wasn’t it me instead of them.”

    HUGS. I am sending them to you and I am excited that I will be able to give them to you in person… I will try to request off towards the end of June… um, question… should I request off on a weekend or a weekday? Which days specifically ’cause I’m not really booked except for the work that I’m going to request off. :)

    HUGS, again. Seriously. Call me if you need an ear to chew off.

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