So today we went to the Japanese Tea Garden! We’d been meaning to check it out for a while, and since we went to Pinocchio’s and India House for Andy’s birthday, that meant we had to do something for mine. So when we read that this weekend would be warm enough, and sunny enough, we figured we’d better take this opportunity.
It’s a beautiful garden. Really makes me want to study the aesthetic of this style of gardening, because I’d love to have one of my own someday (not this big, naturally, though that’d be dreamy!). Every detail is so carefully thought out–even the rocks laid into the path are deliberate. And everything is so neat and tidy. Made me feel rather slovenly for letting our apartment get so cluttered. (I cleaned when we got back.) Everything was just stunning. My only complaint (which can’t really count, due to its nature) is that I wish I could have been there without the crowds. I don’t suppose that’s really possible, but it felt a little like no one could truly appreciate the garden to its full extent when we’re all moving through.
Andy took lots of pictures at my request, and he did a marvellous job of it too!:
I’m going to do it. Yesterday, I had a breakthrough in conflict for Marha’s story. A big breakthrough. As in, a breakthrough that actually solves all of the problems this story has had before. Solves them. All of them. O_O I’m still a little in shock, but it works. It really works.
Now the question becomes the terrifying one. I’ve attempted to write this blasted thing almost four or five times, and each time has failed, due to these (now solved) problems, and other problems. I want to write this story so badly. I’ve wanted to for the last eight years, and in that time, I have continued to develop this story. At some point, should I just go for it and hope that the rewrite corrects all the issues that I know this first draft is going to have? And the real question: Am I ready to start it now?
But perhaps it’s like parenting: You’re never really ready for your first one. You just have to go with it when the time comes, and you’ll be happy you did. Maybe I just need to dive in and figure out all the things I need to go back and fix later. But I’m scared. I’m scared the world isn’t developed enough, and that once I get into the writing, the world will fall apart, and that I won’t be able to go back and fix it. But I’ve got the characters, and–now–they’ve got their conflict that they’d all be willing to die for. And some will. Maybe that’s enough? Maybe I need to allow myself to daydream world possibilities as I go? That does seem to work from time to time.
I have such high expectations for this story, and I need to, but sometimes they’re crippling. I don’t want to mess it up. I want to have fun and I want it to work. I want other people to enjoy it.
But I think I’m going to go for it. It’s a hollow statement in my ears, because I’ve said it so many times. And each time, I’ve convinced myself that it was right, that I had to just go for it. But this time–like all times–I think it’s right. I think I’ve got what I need, what I have needed, what has stiffled every other attempt up until now: I have the conflict down pat. I’m excited about it. And maybe that’s all that matters. I’d consider doing NaNoWriMo with it, but I want to be able to take my time. I want to be able to really work through each scene. I don’t want to rush, because when I rush, it gets all jumbled and messed up.
So I’m going for it.
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